Gigi's Hands

I was in line at Wendy's waiting for a refill when I saw her.  

She was an older lady, slumped a bit from weariness I recognized, her arms slightly folded with her head of thinning hair looking down.. and then I saw them.  

Her hands. 

The veins and bones protruding from years of hard work, too many blood tests, and the attack of time.

Just like hers.

I fought back tears and tried to get control as best I could before my turn came to get our drinks. 

I was starting to lose it when I went back to the table to get mom & the kids. 

"Let's just go" is all I could leak out to her questions of what was wrong.

I could no longer hold back the sorrowful sobs coming from my core as we stepped outside.

It is so strange how little things will hit you out of nowhere like that.  

Grandma, or "Gigi" as my kids called her, has been gone for almost 1 1/2 years and yet looking at those hands brought flooding memories of her that no damn could contain.  

Gigi, Jesse at 1 month, Grandma~my mom, 12/08.

 It was so deep in me, the ache of missing her presence, out of nowhere, so suddenly, so inconsolable.

I am sure being 38 weeks along doesn't help my emotional state. 

And the thought of how excited she would be about Johnathan's pending arrival, how she should be here, how much she has missed out on with Abigale & Jesse, how different things would be if she were still with us...  She was there for Abigale's birth and I am sure those memories of that time are coming to the surface, too.

4 Generations with Jesse, December 2008

I know she is literally at the feet of Jesus, praising him, in a much better place, healthy & happy...maybe with flawless hands raised high. 

But that doesn't stop those left behind to miss the gaping presence missing within our family...still.

Last photo with Gigi & Abigale. July 2010

"Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, Let me stand
I'm tired, I am weak I am worn
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home"