Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Sometimes it is still hard for my brain to grasp.  Somewhere, there is this little part of my brain that forgets..that thinks, maybe she is still in Ohio.  I know she is not.  I clearly know she is gone from this world.  I know by faith she is now in Heaven... or dancing in the clouds with Jesus, petting Jack & Maxie, as Jesse believes.  

But I still cry.  I still mourn.  I still miss her.  Some days hit you more than others.  

But the loss is always there.

We saw her 4 out of 5 days when she was here in Florida and I talked to her about every day when she was in Ohio.  That daily absence is what kills you.  

Each person grieves in their own way because the person gone meant something different to each individual.  So you can never truly say..I know how you feel..because the dynamic of the lost relationship is different for everyone.

But I know how I feel..and I miss her.  

I miss the times I thought we were going to have.  Though she was 85, she was in fairly good shape up to this summer.  I delusionally thought she would be here so much longer.  I thought for sure Willard Scott would read her name with her picture on the Smuckers label on the  Today show when she turned 100.  I thought Abigale & Jesse would get to know her even more.  She was always so excited to hear the new things Abigale was doing or the funny things Jesse would say.  I still find myself thinking, I can't wait for Gigi to see Abigale in this outfit or tell her that she's walking, climbing, babbling..and finally, she doesn't cry as much any more.. I wish she could see our new house and the things we are doing in it.  She wanted this for us and looked so hard to find us a new home... I wish she could have been there to see it actually happen.  

I know I was blessed to have had her in my life for as long as I did.  I know I am beyond blessed to have had a realtionship as close as I did with her.  Not many get to really know their grandmother like I did, and I do not take that for granted.  

But a warning..for any relationship.  The closer you are, the harder it hurts when they are not here.

But I wouldn't change it for the world.

We still miss you Gigi.